Lesson 8

Today I would very much like to talk about how families are under stress and how this stress can be relieved. For this post I would like to talk to you guys about something very personal to me and something that has changed the course of my life forever.

At the top of this post is a picture of my seven and a half year old nephew. His name is Cole and he lived in Orlando Florida. Cole and his older brother Trent were my best friends when I was a young teenager. When they would visit we were inseparable; we would jump on the trampoline, swim, and play video games together. When I was twenty years old I left the Unites States to go serve as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ as Latter Day Saints. When I had returned after two short years I finally got to see my nephews again. We road go carts and played football and everything was just like it was before. A month had passed since I had returned home from my missionary service and I was once again separated from my nephews when we received a heart-braking call from my older sister. My nephew Cole has been diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor sitting right on his brain stem. Over the next six months we gave the best life we could to my little nephew and we pleaded to God that he would save our awesome little soldier Cole. One month ago Cole died.

I share this story because this is on situation that puts a family under stress. There is no pain that even comes close to the pain of losing a child. A family is stretched thinner than they can possibly imagine. More importantly i share this story so that I can testify as a personal witness that comfort is possible to obtain and that God loves his children. Even when it feels like your world is falling apart I testify that God holds us together. Whether you believe or not, God believes in you and knows you personally. You can't see him, but he can see you and he will help you stand when your strength has failed you.

We take chances on so many things and even having a kid is a risk because you might lose them. We take chances standing for what we believe in and supporting the structure of the traditional family, but no matter what the risk or the stress that comes with our good decisions I can promise you that the Lord will fortify you and he will build you up. I testify that he lives and that he loves us. Love him and love one another.

Lesson 7

Hey guys! I wanted to talk today about something that hits very close to home for me! Today we are going to talk about the green monster that is jealousy! I admittedly am a jealous type. Jealousy in my eyes is like a sickness, it turns you against those that you love and it can bring about feelings of self-loathing and a low self-esteem. My problems with jealousy started ever since my very first girlfriend. I caught her cheating on my with another student from our school and I remember having my heart crushed. Since that day I have been very protective of my girlfriends and I am very suspicious. Now many girls might see this as repulsive while other girls are flattered when their boyfriend gets jealous over them.

The reason why jealousy ties into our lesson this week in my family relations class is because we talked about how we can avoid any arguments or any doubts that we are completely faithful to our partner. So I have a girlfriend that lives in Mexico and I met her while I was doing missionary service in the Dominican Republic. She was also doing missionary service and when we both returned home we kept talking. Well one night I was on my way to my dorm when I received a text from her. I had responded to her text about three hours before and she had not responded for all that time. So I asked her where she had gone and told her that I was worried about her. She then went on to tell me that she went out alone with this old friend of hers, a guy that had been very successful. I remember in that moment feeling very offended and betrayed. Now whether or not I had reason to feel offended or not everyone has their own opinion, but for me that was crossing the line, especially because I know she would have been irate with me if I had done the same to her. In that moment I doubted that my girlfriend had remained faithful to me.

In many marriages in this day and age there are many couples that doubt whether their spouses are loyal to them and their are many that are unfaithful. So how can we eliminate these misunderstandings or doubts from coming about. Well the first step is to truly be faithful to your spouse. After the dating period and moving towards the marriage our partner should be the only person in our life that is truly important. Family members are clearly an important part of our lives, but no one should be more important or as important as our spouse. So before we get married we should be willing to make that person the most important part of our lives no matter how hard things may be. If that is so than there shouldn't be anything that jeopardizes the relationship we have with them.

If you find yourself in a similar situation please do your wife or husband the pleasure of eliminating anything that comes between you so that you can start building trust again! This will help to make a functional family full of joy and peace!

Lesson 6

Hey guys, today i want to talk about marriage and the preparation that we can make to become married and some of the problems a newly wed couple can have. I am sure that most of the people that are going to read this probably have more experience than I do on this subject, so I would love to hear your opinions if you are willing to comment!

My two oldest sisters are married and my oldest brother is divorced. Now I mention this because I am going to try to analyze the differences in their marriage and try to give my insight on how a couple can prepare to be married. Starting with my older sister, she is married and has two kids with her husband. They have lived in Florida for a long while now, but one thing that has always affected me about them is that they always fight! Daily they are bickering about something. My next older sister has two kids also with her husband and they live in California. They have a very balanced marriage where arguing is a very rare thing. I don't think that I have heard them argue since they have met. After many hours of wondering what the differences between these two are it seems to me that my oldest sister has a husband that has poor communication skills while my other brother in law is great at communicating his opinion and feelings.

I have thought a lot about marriage and I have found that every time that I look at my oldest sister's marriage the idea of marriage scares me. On the other hand, if I picture my marriage as one similar to the one that my sister has I am pretty excited to get married.

So what is it about communication that is so important? Is it better to beat around the bush and keep things pent up? Or should we express our feelings and thought even though they might upset our spouse?

In my personal opinion it is better to be straight forward and just say what is on your mind rather than keep your spouse guessing. It is odd though; even though I find this approach to be more effective I tend to take the opposite approach because I am scared to hurt anyone's feelings.

How do you guys approach your disagreements with your spouses or partners? do you have any advice that you have found particularly effective?

There will always be complications in a marriage, heck there have always been problems between men and women since we were tiny, but we as a couple are commanded to be one flesh and to suffer with the partner that we choose. So men support your wives and women support your husband and keep going forward together.

Lesson 5

Hey guys! I am so sorry that I haven't written for a few weeks now, I had a family issue that has taken up a significant amount of my time. I am not quite ready to share what has happened with my family, but it is a beautiful story and I do plan on sharing it soon so stay updated. This week I would like to talk about the fifth lesson that I have learned in my family relations class. Today I would like to talk about the three types of love, agápe, éros and philia. Now many of you may have heard of these words, but I will explain them anyways. These are the three greek words for love, they are similar but different. Agápe in the greek language means love, this words refers to the selfless love that one has for his brother. Éros also means love, but this word refers to more of a sexual intimacy love. Philia means, you guessed it, love, and refers to the love that exists between friends.

My question for all of you is what kind of love should there be between you and your partner? I would bet that almost 100% of people would say that in a relationship éros should be the type of love that exists between the two. Other will say that a agápe relationship is more important. and others will say that philia doesn't really apply to a relationship. Here is my opinion. I believe that love is an evolutionary thing, I believe that love starts always as philia, eventually moves on to éros and with enough effort and practice love becomes agápe. Many may believe that éros is the strongest of these three and that sexual attraction and intimacy is the end all be all of a relationship. For me being able to care about someone more than I care about myself is the end all be all of love. For me there is nothing stronger than an agápe love. unfortunately I believe that people emphasize greatly the importance of sex and sexual rights and they focus less on selfless love and charity. The word of the Lord Jesus Christ come to mind " Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends." John 15:13. Love is not about sexual satisfaction, love is about thinking not only about someone else but thinking of their wellbeing as if it were our own.

Reflect on your relationships. Love is to be selfless so make it that way! Become better, not for you, but for those around you! Be a light to all those that see you! I believe in love, I believe in the family and I believe in God. I know that he loves us, so let's love each other.

Lesson 3

Hey guys, I just want to share something I learned in the third lesson of my family relations class. I was born and raised in Irvine, California. Southern California is full of great people and awesome beaches. A huge part of the population in southern California is latin. Growing up I always thought that they were a little weird and reclusive, but I failed to take a few things into account. I feel like I am the perfect person to relate to this subject. As long as I can remember I have been attracted to latin girls, my very first girlfriend was Mexican and my current girlfriend is Mexican also. One of my girlfriends from high school was also latin. I used to spend a good amount of time at her house and I always felt like her parents hated me. They said very little to me and whenever I would come over they would quickly work their way upstairs. For the whole 6 months of our relationship the only thing I could say to them was "hola" and "como estás". It was no surprise they didn't fancy my company. Three years have passed and I have since become fluent in Spanish and my view on her parents have completely changed.

I feel like we falsely accuse those that come from other countries for being reclusive or arrogant, but they are facing challenges that we can't even comprehend. Problems that they face are as difficult as becoming accustomed to a new culture, learning and new language and finding new friends. Usually immigrants drift towards people that are more like them. Families can be torn apart by difficult economic situations and difficult culture situations that come with immigrating to another country. Although these factors play a part there is nothing worth risking the family unity that one has. People often convince themselves that they are strong enough to spend a few months apart, or that it will be better for their family eventually. Nothing is worth risking the love you share between your spouse and your family. Look for people in your neighborhood that are in a similar situation and reach out, they can teach you some pretty awesome things and you could be blessed with a lasting friendship! God speed my friends

Lesson 4

This week in class was definitely and interesting one! Today we are going to talk about gender roles fam! I will start this blog with a funny/ interesting story! So when I was a kid I was a very passive and easy going boy, so much in fact that I would let my older sisters dress me up and put make up on me. I hope you can imagine the look on my dad's face when he came home from work to see his little boy running down the stairs in a blue dress and foundation caked on his face.

My question for all of you is if there is anything wrong with a little boy wearing and dress and makeup? And if so, why?

The world in general has always expected two very different things from their baby boys and baby girls. In general we have wanted our boys to be tough, athletic, leaders, and we almost expect them to be less responsible than girls. We expect girls to be more sensitive, loving and observant.

No doubt there will always be outliers, girls will have more masculine tendencies and visa versa. There will always be the little boy that is easy going and lets his sisters dress him up like a princess. The outlier tend to be made fun of and are pushed towards the opposite gender in search of acceptance.

I thought that this pattern in the history of the world was very interesting and I would like to hear your guys' opinions and experiences! I shared an embarrassing experience so this is officially a no judge zone! Share what you want!

Lesson 2, family dynamics

Hello fam! Well another week has passed and I have learned yet another interesting lesson in my family relations class! You may notice that everyone has a different kind of relation with their parents and their siblings. Have you ever wondered why that is? Let's consider our boundaries. We all love our personal space right? But personal space for you can be public space for someone else. As a kid growing up I found that the boundary between my mother and I was very thin. I am the fifth out of six children and played a key role in comforting my mom. My oldest brother had a drug addiction and this destroyed my mother. Because of the many opportunities that I had to comfort my Mom i found that she was who I went to for comfort and for advice.

My relationship with my dad on the other hand was very much the opposite. My dad to me was the punisher, and I am not talking about the Punisher that you see in comic books with a machine gun in each hand shooting up the place, but rather he was the person you never wanted to yell your name. I remember as a kid I hated wearing underwear! I couldn't stand it, so I would frequently attend school without underwear. After my parents caught on to this my dad would ask me if i wore underwear... I would lie of course, but when my dad would check I knew I was in for trouble. His favorite punishment was to give me a spoonful of Tabasco, and he wonders why I hate spicy food now.

The point I am trying to make by describing the relationship I had with my two parents is that the boundaries drawn between us are very different. Like I said I would frequently go to my mother for help and comfort whereas with y dad I would generally try to stay out of his way and to this very day I don't keep him very informed on my personal life.

As a class we started to think about what the ideal boundaries would be for a family and we agreed that the boundaries between mom and dad should be a little more rigid or personal and as a result the children would create a strong bond with their siblings, but wouldn't exclude their parents.

One thing that is very common when a couple decides to have kids is that the mom creates a very strong bond with her their children and the father sees that strong bond as a sign that the mother doesn't need the father anymore and he distances himself. In other, less common cases the father sees it as a challenge and establishes that strong, more rigid boundary with his wife. The result of this is that they raise the child with a healthy relationship with both parents. I would like to invite you all to think about the boundaries between you and your family members and think about the boundaries you would like to make with your spouse and children. As you strive to have that ideal boundary with your family you will be able to feel a balance in the relationships. Have fun trying to realize these boundaries and feel free to comment! Love you fam!