Lesson 2, family dynamics

Hello fam! Well another week has passed and I have learned yet another interesting lesson in my family relations class! You may notice that everyone has a different kind of relation with their parents and their siblings. Have you ever wondered why that is? Let's consider our boundaries. We all love our personal space right? But personal space for you can be public space for someone else. As a kid growing up I found that the boundary between my mother and I was very thin. I am the fifth out of six children and played a key role in comforting my mom. My oldest brother had a drug addiction and this destroyed my mother. Because of the many opportunities that I had to comfort my Mom i found that she was who I went to for comfort and for advice.

My relationship with my dad on the other hand was very much the opposite. My dad to me was the punisher, and I am not talking about the Punisher that you see in comic books with a machine gun in each hand shooting up the place, but rather he was the person you never wanted to yell your name. I remember as a kid I hated wearing underwear! I couldn't stand it, so I would frequently attend school without underwear. After my parents caught on to this my dad would ask me if i wore underwear... I would lie of course, but when my dad would check I knew I was in for trouble. His favorite punishment was to give me a spoonful of Tabasco, and he wonders why I hate spicy food now.

The point I am trying to make by describing the relationship I had with my two parents is that the boundaries drawn between us are very different. Like I said I would frequently go to my mother for help and comfort whereas with y dad I would generally try to stay out of his way and to this very day I don't keep him very informed on my personal life.

As a class we started to think about what the ideal boundaries would be for a family and we agreed that the boundaries between mom and dad should be a little more rigid or personal and as a result the children would create a strong bond with their siblings, but wouldn't exclude their parents.

One thing that is very common when a couple decides to have kids is that the mom creates a very strong bond with her their children and the father sees that strong bond as a sign that the mother doesn't need the father anymore and he distances himself. In other, less common cases the father sees it as a challenge and establishes that strong, more rigid boundary with his wife. The result of this is that they raise the child with a healthy relationship with both parents. I would like to invite you all to think about the boundaries between you and your family members and think about the boundaries you would like to make with your spouse and children. As you strive to have that ideal boundary with your family you will be able to feel a balance in the relationships. Have fun trying to realize these boundaries and feel free to comment! Love you fam!